Dealing With Anger ~ An Islamic Perspective (part 1)
Allah loves the good; those who spend freely of their wealth for the benefit of others in
times of prosperity and adversity, who control their anger, and who pardon others.
[Qur'an 3:134]
Human beings as Emotive beings
Human beings are emotive beings who experience feelings all the time. Some of these feelings are positive (love, joy) while others are negative (hatred, envy). Emotions such as fear, jealousy, despair and anger are among the most challenging, most difficult, and potentially most destructive of human experiences; yet such experiences are inescapable. Some people learn to live with them, few ignore them, many magnify them, some die for them and others kill for them.
How we relate to our emotions, deal with them and how we utilize them have a tremendous impact on ...
- Our character and personality
- Our attitudes towards the world
- Our relationship
- with others
- of others towards us
Emotional Wisdom
The bases of Emotional Wisdom are ...
- understanding our emotions and dealing with them effectively
- equanimity = the capacity to experience the inescapable ups and downs of life without being
thrown into uncontrollable emotional states. The Qur'an (22:11)(89:15-16) emphasizes the importance
of maintaining a balanced disposition in times of celebration and in times of tribulation. As we
journey through life we find ourselves in basically one of two situations: moments of ease for which
we ought to be thankful, and moments of trials and tribulations through which we ought to patiently
persevere. Prophet Muhammad [pbuh] said:
"How wonderful is the case of a Believer; If something good happens, he expresses gratitude; that is good for him - If adversity befalls him, he is patient and that too is good for him."
Emotional wisdom is essential in dealing with all our sentiments, and is indispensable when dealing with among the most powerful and difficult emotions ... anger.
Defining Anger
Anger could be defined as feeling of strong displeasure against a person/s (ourselves or others) or thing/s (eg. weather) which may be triggered ...
- when we are irritated or disturbed
- when we feel fearful or threatened
- when we believe that things around us are not going our way or things are out of control , or we feel frustrated
- when we feel insecurity, uncertainty, inadequacy, self-doubt
- when we feel ashamed
- when we feel we are insulted or wronged
It is said that to be human is to be angry some of the time. Anyone or anything can make us angry and everyone at some time does get angry. Depending on personality, temperament, and ability to manage emotions and control reactions; the intensity of anger varies dramatically from person to person.
Forms of Anger
Anger is basically divided into ...
- Milder Forms
These include ...- annoyance (e.g. when disturbed)
- irritation (when bothered)
- irk (when disgusted or embarrassed)
- Indignation
Indignation is a combination of anger and contempt that is aroused by witnessing or experiencing injustice, wrongfulness or impropriety. This form of anger springs essentially from an innate sense of what is right, fair and just. Those who violate what we truly cherish arouse our indignation and if we do not express our indignation then we diminish the hopeful vision of justice and also open the possibility of continued commissions of violations. No positive social change would thus ever be accomplished. Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) thus said ...
Whosoever observes any wrong should rectify it physically, if unable to then speak out against it, if unable then at least find it distasteful in the heart ... - Intense Forms
These include ...- resentment (incorporating hate)
- fury (often expressed in ways that are wild/fierce)
- rage (uncontrolled anger, inclining towards violence)
- wrath (tremendous anger accompanied by desire to punish)
Consequences of Anger
Anger is an extremely powerful emotion. If allowed to build up inside a person, it could be like pressure
building up in a pot of boiling water with a lid on. "Anger is a great force. If you control it, it can be
transmuted into power" (Swami Sivananda).
There is an ancient Indian saying that states ... hell has three gates; lust, anger and greed.
Prophet Muhammad said: "Anger can spoil faith like vinegar spoils honey."
An old African saying warns us about the fact that anger is often more damaging than the injury that
caused it.
What we do with our anger reveals a lot about ourselves. We could ...
- use it to correct a wrong
- use it to speak out with resolve and build self-esteem
- turn it inwardly and destroy ourselves
- abuse it to lash out at others.
"Powerful is not the one who subdues others through physical strength, rather powerful is the one who can control the self when angry." (Prophet Muhammad)
Inappropriate anger, which occurs when there is a more intense reaction than the situation merits, affects us negatively in every way.
- Health - stress, heart attacks
"Consider how much more you suffer from your anger than from those very things for which you are angry." (Roman orator, Marcus Antonius). Also remember the warning, "for every minute of anger, you give up 60 seconds of peace of mind." (19th century poet, Ralph Waldo Emerson) - Social risks
- physical abuse of others, criminality. Most crimes committed against loved ones are due to jealousy and anger. "How much more grievous are the results of anger than the causes of it." (Marcus Aurelius, leader in ancient Rome)
- damaging or destroying bonds of relationships. "When anger rises, think of the consequences." (Confucius)
- Irrational/Irregular behavior
Say/do something hurtful/harmful in a fit of anger which you may later regret. "If you are patient in one moment of anger, you'll escape a hundred days of sorrow." (Chinese saying)
The Challenge of Anger
The ancient Greek philosopher, Aristotle, summed up the challenge that anger poses to each one of us.
He said: "Anyone can become angry. That is easy. However, to be angry with the right person, to the right
degree, at the right time, for the right purpose in the right manner... that is not so easy."